Sexual orientation can feel confusing, so let’s start by looking at what different terms mean.
- Gay: being attracted to the same gender
- Bisexual: being attracted to more than one gender
- Pansexual: being attracted to people regardless of gender
- Straight: being attracted to a different gender
- Asexual: experiencing little or no sexual attraction
You might feel like you want to “prove” what your orientation is because you feel unsure or have questions about it—and that’s completely okay.
Try not to rush yourself. Clarity often comes with time. Pay attention to who you naturally feel drawn to, who you develop crushes on, and who you enjoy being close to or feel excited about.
You may also experience:
- Masking: learning to hide parts of yourself or act differently to fit in or avoid negative reactions
- Shame or bullying: being called names or told to “act normal”
- Internalised homophobia: Absorbing negative messages about LGBTQ+ people and feeling like something is wrong with you
- Isolation: Feeling like you don’t see people like you around you, especially in more conservative environments
It may also help to explore different kinds of stories—like LGBTQ+ shows such as Heartstopper or books with different types of relationships—and notice what you connect with emotionally.
Importantly, you don’t choose your sexual orientation. That’s because it’s a natural part of who you are. No orientation is ‘better’ or ‘worse’ than another, and you have nothing to be ashamed of!
Are you thinking about coming out? Everyone’s fears, thoughts, and experiences of coming out are entirely different – and all of them are valid. It’s okay to feel nervous, excited, anxious, or scared. You can take things at your own pace, and if you’re still figuring out who you’re attracted to, that’s completely okay too.
You also may not like using the term ‘coming out’, and that’s fine. You may prefer simply thinking about it as sharing who you are. For some, it can be exciting, whilst for others, it can be more challenging.
If you need someone to talk to, you can reach out to Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline. Whether your concerns feel big or small, there’s always someone there to listen.
If you feel like someone is trying to change how you feel or pressure you into being someone you’re not, you can also contact Galop, which runs the National Conversion Therapy Helpline.
You should never feel that who you are is wrong.